Another One

Well, that's disappointing. There I go off on some sort of stream of consciousness piece, and then I find out a paragraph or two in that I haven't managed to type out a damned thing

That's just irritating. Oh well.

Here i go again though, the curtains on the wall being transparent as always, and this ever present wall of gray in the sky above me seeming to loom. I suppose it's a ceiling. Whatever. I just want a blue sky and a sunny day.

Or is that what I just keep telling myself? I'm not entirely sure. I think it might be the actual problem, but I can't figure it out until the sun deigns to actually try shining on down.

Christ there's a lot of dishes in the sink downstairs. I should really clean them today. There is a part here tomorrow after all which I'm not entirely sure I'm looking forward to. I don't know why, but I seem to be looking forward to it with the same sense of abstract dread that... Is today Friday?

Shit. It's only Friday. Why do I keep thinking it's Saturday. Quirky's not on HSN til tomorrow. Why the hell am I still up? I should have gone to bed hours ago. I finished my scene in the plot hours ago, and I've just been sitting here, diddling around. What a waste of potential sleeping tme. I continue though. Whatever.

Brain. I think that I want to go somewhere else. Somewhere warm. Where it's happy. And there's not a puddle in my car, or laundry I have to do. I hate doing laundry. God.

I think that I need to figure out what it is I'm looking for. It's a very slowed down thought process I am suffering from right noww. Really odd, and hard to track. I need to think but it's fuzzy. What can I say?

A Topic Goes Here

You know what is awesome?

Star Trek. That's what's awesome. And anything in the roleplaying world that isn't star trek, but is trying to be like star trek. If it is star trek, and you're roleplaying, that may or may not be awesome. But if it's not explicitly star trek, then it is likely awesome.

Star Wars is good too.

Hmm. Maybe I'm feeling a bit better today. Helps when you have to have a version of yourself stop the flow of Trotulium, lest the ship be consumed by the matter/energy eating energy producing fluid.

This looks so crazy out of context. You'll have to trust me though. It was awesome.

Didn't think I'd hear that!

You know, as a child, imagining adulthood, and the conversations I would have... I didn't imagine a lot of the things I hear now.

Topping the list right now?

"I've got six pages of cock rings, right here."

Yeah... My life is a rich tapestry.

Something

SAnd there I was and there I am and there I thought I will be.
All that I was and am was laid out
Things that I thought I knew were shown to be false.

All the little things around me are in flux, and drifting on the wind
Curtains close, and I cannot see the outside world.
The lamp's brightness blinds me.
The doorway opens.

Out there is a thing. A thing undescribable.
Out there is a thing. A thing I cannot see.

Rings of Fire.

For you I'd wait, til Kingdom come.
Until my day, until my days are done.
And say you'll come, and set me free.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

So I dunno. I feel like quoting Coldplay right now. I'm listening to it, and it's making me feel better for the moment. I seriously do not know what has me in this funk right now, but it's starting to worry me. Nothing crazy, but it's just... reasonless. I want to be able to figure out why I feel like this.

On another note, Baltika 3 is an excellent beer. Thank you Russia, for this booze.

Strange Things

I feel really strange tonight.

I haven't had anything to drink, but I feel drunk. I have nothing to feel sad about, but I feel depressed. I had a good day of fairly adult activity, basking in maturity, but I feel like a child.

My friends are at a kinky party, and I just feel lonely right now. I wouldn't want to be there though. I'd just be hovering, not feeling comfortale. I don't like being single at all. It feels like noone wants to be around me.

This all sounds very depressing, I know. I'll feel better tomorrow.

Inspiration

I've been watching these speeches called TED talks, and have felt inspired. I see Wikileaks doing great things for the world, and I feel inspired. I hear about what Anonymous is doing, and I think tht it's great that someone is doing something about various causes.

I sit here and occasionally feel inspired to write something. Maybe.

I don't know.

Another Day

I continue to live.

Of course you know that if you are here. Right now, I'm guessing your name is Madelaine Clark if you are reading this, unless you have this on an RSS reader, Matthew. If not, if you're some random blog reader, and just happening by, I suppose I should introduce myself. Give you some back story on this blog that's updating for the first time in more than a year.

I'm Rob. I live on my own, for about a year. I am in between universities, but at the same job I've held for a few years now. Oh, and I don't write anymore. I just cannot seem to be assed anymore to actually sit down and plan out my thoughts, or even produce something stream of consciousness. I think this all comes down to a lack of time in which I'm forced to sit in one place doing nothing, anymore.

So here I am. I want to say something encouraging to the process. Something saying I'm turning this blog around like, "I plan to start this again". That though would be a lie. I have no such plans. To be very honest, tonight I just was talking to a friend, and something came up that made me think. And it made me want to voice my thoughts, even if constantly in my head, I'm still censoring myself.

That was part of the reason I stopped though. Despite my knowledge that nobody would ever read this blog outside my family, the idea of posting my journal, and posting my thoughts like this was always very appealing. It was like an open letter, airing my grievances, my thoughts, my feelings. It helped me deal with things from day to day, and I didn't care what people thought at first. In a lot of very meaningful ways, it helped me a lot.

I'm proud of a lot of the stuff I did with this blog. The censoring though, the stuff I had to learn not to do, for fear people would be offended... It hurt. I needed to be able to say whatever I wanted, and I had lost my outlet.

So, there it is. What I am willing to say right now. It's not well laid out, or always making perfect sense, but there it is. The old standard would be 'Until next time...' right here, but I'm not going to make the suggestion that I'll be back here.

I have to think about certain things that I'm not sure I'm ready to confront yet. The end results terrify me.

One Month.

I live away from home now, in a room I pay for monthly. The sheer magnitude of this is still setting in, but I think I've got a handle on it now. It's a weird feeling being away from home this long, even if I make semi-weekly visits back. It really is very weird, sleeping in a place that is not my childhood bedroom. It's an excellent feeling, but weird. I'm not in school anymore. Won't be again for some time. I'm working part-time, with hopes to go full-time at a Home Depot.

This is really strange. In the space of a month, my life has changed completely. I'm getting along with my family better than ever, I've traded some issues for others, and... My life has started. I suppose that's all there is to it. My life has started. It's frightening sometimes, but what can you do? You move with it, and adapt, and make sure you stay on top of it.

Until next time...

My Thoughts on Certain Matters

I appreciate honesty and I appreciate directness. I am a blunt, unrepentant asshole who would prefer to get everything that is bothering someone out in the open so it can be dealt with point by point, regardless of what sort of subject it is. Now, having said that, I'm also a forgetful person. I am not the classiest of individuals. I can be messy at times, and I can sometimes be rude without meaning to. All of these things, amongst a host of others, are character faults that I recognize and attempt to deal with whenever I can. I'd also like to think that I'm a fairly rational, logical individual, who can be reasoned with if approached calmly. That's something I like to think, though I know that when I get truly mad my logic fails me at times, and I might make an error in judgment.

So there you go. There's a slice of who I am.

All that being said now, the question comes, "Robert, what the hell are you talking about." Well, to be honest, that's the business of those involved, and those involved alone. I know just by posting this, people are going to make assumptions, but rest assured, those assumptions will neither be confirmed nor denied.

Until next time...

Update

I, Robert Clark, am moving away from home, within the next two weeks. I will be living elsewhere than here, where I have resided for over twenty years. I will be living in a new home, one not the only place I can ever remember living.

What the fuck is going on? I'm turning twenty-two, I'm moving away from home, I'm... Good lord, I'm turning into an adult! When the fuck did this happen? My friend is buying a house and moving in with their girlfriend of three years, and I'm barely dating, yet I'm moving out on my 'own' and ready to pay rent, and buy my own food, and I'm turning twenty-two!? My mind, dear reader, as you might suspect, is blown.

Okay, deep breath.

So yes, I'm moving out, for the first time, and I'm starting to stress now. Yes Duane, if you're reading this, you win. I really wasn't feeling it til just about now, and I'm not sure how long after the close date I'm going to be able to wait to move in. Very likely, not very long. Things though are getting crazier by the day, and I can't... It's hard to contain the excitement. There's a lot of parts of my life that I want to move forward, but they seem stuck at the moment. I see these parts of my life that have just outright stalled, and my seeming lack of interest in them, and I see this closing date as the day when I can stand up and say 'Yes, this part of my life matters now. This is my life, and I'll live it.'

I dunno. I'm probably romanticizing this move a little bit too much. But hey, we'll see. I'm running out of steam here, and seeing how it's my only real post this year, I'll close it with my usual...

Until next time...

School

I hate this program. Something feels really wrong about it.

The Post Below

Before you even look at it, I want to explain myself on the subject of the post directly below this one. Before I do that though, I want you to scroll over and click on the link that says "Justice?" on the right hand side of the screen. Read that over, and when done, come back here before reading the post below this one

Last week, I was involved in a fight with someone, and the poem two posts below was the end result. I was particularly proud of this poem, and as I am now active on Deviant Art, I posted it there as well.

I found that the poem was well written, straight from the heart, and I thought it flowed well. I was praised by one of the other individuals involved in the fight, and I thought the matter closed.

A few hours ago, another of those involved in the fight saw the poem. They looked at it, and as they told me, got two lines in before they decided that they were under attack.

Now if you followed my instructions, you will have your first impressions of that poem. I have been told by three different readers that they thought that I had gotten into a fight either with a couple, or was involved in a fight with a couple. This was the first impression of three different people. I mention this, because I am challenging the claim that it is obvious who the poem is about.

Next I challenge anyone's right to demand I should remove something because they feel offended by it. One can feel offense all they want, but this is Canada. I have a write to the freedom of my expression in the media that I choose. I choose the written word.

If people have a problem with that, then I would say fine. If people want to be angry, fine. It is when I am threatened with having my accounts hacked, and not for the first time, that I take issue. I will not stand for it, and as a result, I have had to change the passwords on most of my accounts. This has gone too far, and I will not be censored in such a rude and arrogant manner.

I make the following promise to those who would threaten to delete any post of mine. If any post of mine is deliberately deleted in a quest to censor me, I will take the hard copy, and I keep hard copies of just about everything, and I will photocopy it. I will then do whatever it takes to make sure that as many people as possible see it. I will post them to every major internet discussion board, I will post them to telephone poles, I will put copies in envelopes and distribute them myself. I say none of this with the expectation that I will ever have to do it. I trust that those who I say this to, and the one who made the threat knows who he or she is, understands that I mean what I say.

Anyways, returning to my point, I found myself threatened by this person. They perceived my poem as an attack, and immediately demanded the removal of the poem. I refused, and the threat was made that my account would be hacked onto, and the poem erased. My passwords have been subsequently changed, and ultimatums delivered, as seen just one scant paragraph above, in angry spiteful words. I then started typing, and what is seen below is what emerged.

I know that the final results of what lays below seems to be contradicted by this, but I would point out that I am not attempting art with this post. I am making a point. A very important one.

The point is, stop taking my posts to be outright attacks. They are not, unless I say they are. I am not the type of person to attack a person behind their back, I will be upfront, as I am being with this post. I may not tell the person this is aimed at that I've posted this, but they will look at it eventually.

Also, I will write about what happens to me if I want. I will not use names, at least not real ones anyways. However, this does not mean I will not reference those people around me. I will as much as I want.

Finally, then you can go read the post below this one, I notice that I am allowed to write good things about people, but not bad. What is with this self-serving hypocrisy. I will not mention what I am talking about, as it would make who I am talking about obvious, but I will call the person I am talking about a hypocrite.

I was thanked and praised for that one, but the slightest allusion to an event that portrayed the same person in a negative light results in threats of censorship and a hacking of my account. Nice and classy there.

This is not a nice post, but I feel better now.

I am aware people will be angry for this one, but I see no need for a similar post to ever happen again now that I've said all this.

It is necessary that this remain. It is necessary for three reasons. First, the piece below needs an intro. Second, that ultimatum needs to be written down, because I mean it. I want it in writing. Finally, this is how I feel, and if I try to express myself otherwise, I will not sound as sincere or collected.

Until next time...

A Chance at the Truth

My ideas are my own.
I will not be silenced.

My words are my own,
I will spread them to the world.

My medium is the written word
To stop me is to hold me back
To censor me is to hold me down
To impose restrictions on me is to break my spirit and take my freedom away.
The ruled sheet is my canvas onto which my masterpiece will flow.

My masterpiece will be truly mine;
Heartfelt expressions, lyrically phrased,
and brought forward in such a way that nobody,
Not a soul,
Will ever challenge me as to what is mine and what is not.

I shall not see my visions tarnished, I will not hide them from the world.
I can not stop because of anger produced by my veiled allusions.
The words that sting are the true feelings from my heart,
and I have only the choice in how the words sting whom.

The words may stay bottled, hidden from all but me;
The stings forever going inwards.

Words may flow onto the empty page but silenced in fear of offending another,
The feelings that would be seen only shadows of what truly exists.
My feelings would be detached, forgotten and lost.
A part of myself, at some time, scattered forever and a nagging sense of loss all that remains.

My heart could go out though, out for all to take notice.
Feelings expressed and acknowledged, the heartfelt wounds no longer simply mine to bear.
Spread amongst those that should know them, those that would want to see.
A jealous few would hate them, but that would be the price to pay for being free.
Thought for thought, what is there is truly me.


My words are not crafted to be the barbs that they are seen as.
My lines are not made with the intent to hurt.

I choose my words and lay them down,
I share them with the world.
I ask for help, I ask for guidance.

Guidance to heal,
Guidance to teach.

Guidance to find what I am looking for within myself.


This must be understood.

I write for me, and for no one else.
I write to clear my mind,
such that I can know my own self true.
I write to better my craft, to sharpen my mind.
I write so that I know my deepest thoughts,
the ones that do not make themselves known.
I write so that I can try to find balance.

I show my art to the world not in a spirit of vengeance;
not in a spirit of malevolence.
It is so that I can be shown how to express myself.

Express myself better,
More clearly,
More eloquently,
More lyrically.

I show my art to the world not to sting and bruise,
It is so that I can ask how to not feel the stings and bruises myself.

So that I will not bruise,
So that I will not be stung.
So in the future when I am given pause to think again on matters close,
The lessons learned will bring a new resolution.
One beneficial to all.

I write, I share, I listen, I change.
I write again.


As much as I wish to do one thing, I often do another.
Such did my work, to assert my integrity and honour,
become a heartfelt plea for understanding.

It saddens me that through all of it, I will still not receive it.
I will receive scorn,
I will be the subject of derision,
I will have those who I seek to make understand, become enraged.

In the end though, my works will be mine.
If I have to choose between the artificial peace and my dreams,
I pick my dreams.
If the choice to keep my eventual masterpiece,
Causes strife and increases the enmity always felt,
the choice becomes more difficult.

I do not desire it, but I must let what I create be mine.
Not someone elses, tainted by threats and anger.
Not soured by a sugar coating.
Whatever shown must be the truth.

I will show my words.
I will show my heart.
I will show the truth.

As much as it may pain me in the end,
I will not be silenced.


Until next time...

Justice?

Verbally lashed,
Unjustly accused.

The moral high ground is mine.

I did not wrong, I am not to blame.
In the end I am the one in the right.

Verbally lashed,
Vulgarities thrown.

The mediator falls, having tried only to be the voice of reason.

She had tried to keep it civil,
She had tried to stay so fair.
In the end she was betrayed,
By the boy who laid the blame on me.

Betrayed by he that she was fighting for,

Temper lit,
flaring high,
burned her wings,
now she will cry.

Crying for the poisons that he spat at her.
She only tried to help,
Trying to not let the fight flare so high.
Tempers lit,
and now she cries.

She is hurt. What sort of winning is this then?
It is a Pyrrhic victory as my fighting force is gone.
Saddened now knowing that the one who tried to stop the fall,
is the only one who has felt like she has lost.
Saddened that the one who cries,
Was the most blameless one of all.


Until next time...

Death

I don't know why I randomly thought of this at twenty to four in the morning, but it just popped into my head.

If I were to die today, my final wishes, which are known, would not be carried out.

This distresses me, it really does, and I do not know what to do about it. There are certain things that I want done after my death, even though I know it will have no bearing on absolutely anything. I know that how my death is handled will impact on those who will deal with it, but at the same time, should my wishes not be respected? I don't know, maybe that is a question best left to the philosophers.

I have been told my funeral will have a priest or reverend. In general, some sort of religious spin. I have been told I am being buried, six feet underground. I have been told that I will not be cremated.

Now, let's sort some things out. I do not want my funeral to have any sort of religious spin on it. I am an atheist. I don't want my death handled any different than how I handled my life. Whoever conducts my eulogy can feel free to be sarcastic about my life. I would want them to try and find happiness after I'm dead. I don't want them looking at all my good points and oversinging my praises, because that just doesn't paint a realistic portrait of me. Something that once I'm dead, will need to be done.

What I really want, is something called a speaking. It's something that comes up in Orson Scott Card's Speaker for the Dead and it's always been something that appealed to me. The aim was not to paint a glowing picture of the deceased, but to rather explain their life, for good and bad, and try to illustrate what their intentions were in life. Their motivations and such.

I would like that.

As to the second and third points, I want to be cremated. The idea of my body being on fire and being turned into ash doesn't bother me. The idea of my body slowly becoming food for the worms is more than just a little bit disturbing.

I want to be cremated, and to have my ashes spread. I have a list of places I'd like them to go, but some are admittedly unrealistic. The point though is, I'd rather sit in an urn or a ziploc bag on someone's mantle or in someone's closet, then to have my remains rot underground.

In any case, I know it wont matter, but in life, the idea that what I want in death wont be carried out; pisses me off more than just a little bit.

Anyways...

Until next time...

My Older Style of Writing

You know what is somewhat depressing? Looking back upon your older works, your old posts, your old writing, poetry and short stories. Reading back through them, having a good laugh, thinking about how you used to view the world. Looking back and realizing that you have not improved at writing in the slightest.

I was recently looking back upon my post "I Wish You a Merry Christmas" and marvelled at a few things. I noticed that since then, my religious and political beliefs have matured and settled. I noticed, upon reading through this post and a few others that my writing used to be much more interesting. I could make sentences flow together and sound exactly how I wanted them to without any effort at all. There was no worries of using the correct words, as everything just flowed from my head to the page. I could write three or four pieces in the space of two hours.

And the writing was good. I really enjoyed it, and I was good at it, at least in my opinion.

These days, it seems that writing the way I used to is harder. It takes more concentration, which I cannot seem to muster these days, and I can never seem to work out how to just sit and write. The atmosphere is never right, despite almost always having writing materials.

I wish so much that I could simply write like I used to. Without effort, without a hint of self consciousness. Write without worrying about what people would think, and write what I truly felt.

Until next time...

I am not a Heathen

I don't know what is with people. I don't understand them at a really basic level, but sometimes they are spectacularly insane. At work on Friday, a woman came up to me and asked me if I believed in the "power of Jesus, and his power to save my soul from eternal damnation."

I don't think it is much to ask not to be asked these types of questions out of the blue while I'm cashing people through, but this is actually the second time this has happened to me. I've been given religious pamphlets before, but usually they don't talk to me much.

Anyways, I said no, because as you may or may not know, I am an atheist. In response I was called a heathen. Then I had the angriest parts of Leviticus quoted at me. The parts of it that have stones being thrown at various sinners.

Now, I don't think I'm asking a lot for these people not to quote the Old Testament at me. They could at least quote New Testament at me, maybe John 3:16. That would at least make sense. No, though. Angriest parts of the angriest book of the angriest half of the bible. That and being called something I am actually not.

I am an infidel.

I am a very proud infidel, but one who isn't trying to convert everyone.

I am not a heathen. They are pagans who worship germanic or scandanavian gods or godesses.

I am technically a Pagan, but not really. I am only a Pagan in the sense that I do not worship the Abrahamic god. I instead worship no god.

I am not a heretic. I have been called this as well by the way, by someone who asked me if I had found Jesus. I said no, and pulled out my copy of The God Delusion to do some counter-proselytizing. At this point I was given a terribly dirty look, and was called a heretic.

Strictly speaking, a heretic would have to believe in a god to begin with. I would then be branded a heretic, and promptly excommunicated.

I am an infidel, I deny the divinity of Jesus, I reject the notion that there is any sort of god.

Frankly I think the politically correct term, regardless of what word may actually be correct is simply an atheist.

Until next time...

Answer My Question

Question:

0111001101101001001000000110000101110111011010000
11101000010000001101001011011010111010101101001011
0000101110100011101000110111000100000011001100110
111100100000011011010111001001100010011101010110111
0011001010010000001100101011101000110100000100000
011000110110110101110100011000010110111101101001

It is a continuous string of numbers, edited so it can fit cleanly on the screen. Solve it if you can.

Until next time...

Hiatus

I don't like posting as much as I used to, this is a simple fact. I do not have the motivation to do it, I do not have the time to do it, and I do not have the material. The incentives for me to post have been ripped away from me steadily over the course of my time posting here. This has made it so that it is no longer enjoyable to post my feelings in this forum. It is far better for me to not mention any of them, because the 'conversations' that I am forced to have with certain people, feels more like some sort of inquisition, and it feels that my points of view are scrutinized unduly.

I do not enjoy writing when I have to be censored. This is a simple fact. I like being able to rant and rave about whatever thing makes me angry, or sad, or simply makes me laugh; without my viewpoint being belittled, or thought of as irrational. I do not like having to defend my viewpoint itself, simply because someone does not agree with it. I like saying I am pissed off at my parents if I am pissed off at my parents. I like being able to say exactly how my brother has struck my last nerve if I want. I want to be able to tell whatever fraction of the world reads this whatever I want, whenever I want, moderated only by what I feel is right.

Obviously that's not going to happen, it's ridiculous, and more than a bit selfish to actually go ahead and do it. One must censor themselves a bit. They would alienate everyone around themselves otherwise. I would however like to be able to not be attacked for some posts that I make, and belittled for others.

On occasion I will make a post. Something innocuous, but what will end up happening, is that I will have to engage in talk after talk about some small part of what I discussed in the post. Something that after posting, I feel better about, or I have no desire to discuss. Other times, I'll post a fairly blatant concern, and I will never hear the end of it, especially if it strikes a chord with those around me.

Not every post is directed at everyone, many are directed at absolutely nobody in particular. Some are just done for my benefit, to make me feel better. Once I post them, I usually have no further desire to talk about the issue. I frankly do not like talking about what I write about more often than not. I am not good at verbalizing my thoughts. It takes me too long, and I end up tripping over my words. Whereas when I write, I can plan out each statement before I submit it.

I have tried other options, not posting, posting under private mode, and simply posting elsewhere, and what the problem always is, is that I enjoy the illusion that other people outside my circle of friends and family could read this. I obviously do not suffer under this illusion, but the fact is, the chance that someone could happen upon my writing, is a motivator to write. The problem though is, that I like writing as Robert Clark, and not any of my online aliases. It makes it more personal for me, but sadly brings it home to those around me.

So it is with this, that I announce an indefinite hiatus from posting, until I can figure out what I am going to do. I may post during this time, but I doubt it.

I don't enjoy the pressure I feel whenever I post. I do not enjoy not being able to express myself, and I don't enjoy having my feelings scrutinized. There are certainly positives, but in my mind at least, the cons outweigh the pros.

Until next time...

Work Ethics

My brother Scott is insane. Today, he worked for fifteen hours, give or take a few hours, and in the process took one pitiful half hour break.

Like I said, my brother is insane.

I may rag on him a lot, say he pisses me off to no end, and he would respond to this with some variation on the word "likewise", but one thing i can never impugn is his work ethic. His dedication to his job, to his workplace, and to his company, is beyond reproach, and is something that not only I, but most workers should aspire to. He goes in early, he stays late, he works shifts that last more than ten hours on a weekly basis, and he works at a Harvey's.

Harvey's for crying out loud. He is not a financial accountant, he is not the chief executive officer of a major corporation, he is not even the manager. He is the pseudo-assistant manager, or more officially, the acting assistant supervising manager. He's seventeen, and he already does the work of an assistant manager.

For this hard work, how much does he make, might you ask. My brother, who does all this work, who is trusted with the financial information of his store, who is trusted with all the confidential files of his Harvey's location, makes eight dollars and twenty five cents per hour.

$8.25/hour.

He leads his workplace's health and safety board, he does all this work, he puts up with the endless streams of crap from both his customers, and his coworkers, and for all that, he makes a pittance. A measly eight dollars and change, in return for each and every hour of his life that he spends in the nook of the Home depot.

So yes, for those in the world that say that my generation is lazy, you may all stand up and take notice of people like my brother. For all of those who would say that my generation has no work ethic, again I say to look to my brother, and all those like him. To take shots at an entire group of people, without regards to those who are truly exceptional is wrong. It is just as bigoted as any form of discrimination.

You make me proud to be your brother, Scott. I just hope you know that. For all the joking, for all the fighting, and for all the animosity that often exists between us, I hope you know that.

Until next time...

Screw you, Hallmark!

So I think I've come up with a great plan to avoid giving Hallmark and Carlton Cards any further money. I figure that over the years I have spend four dollars or so on cards at least a few dozen times.

So from now on, rather than do that, I will spend five dollars, and do the following:

1. Get a crisp five dollar bill.
2. Get a small square envelope.
3. Write on the five dollar bill "Happy [occasion], Love [Your Name]". Do this preferably with a Sharpie.
   
4. Fold it neatly and put it in the envelope.
5. Seal the envelope and give it to them with the envelope.

See, now there is a few reasons why this is inherently a good idea

1. You aren't giving money to Hallmark, you are instead giving it to someone you care about.
2. They will think it is a neat idea.
3. In some cases, it costs less than the card.
4. They will get some use out of their "card"
   
5. You get the added satisfaction of wondering what the next person getting this five dollar bill will think when they read the message.

So yeah, try it. I find it works quite well, and I haven't given a card in a few months.

Until next time...

Extenuating Circumstances

Well, I have discovered an ever so slight flaw in the system at my university. With regards to missed assignments and midterms, the only two acceptable excuses are a death in the family, or an illness.

Now as some of you may know, I got into a car accident last Tuesday, thereby preventing me from handing in an assignment. I had to wait more than three hours for the police to arrive, as the damage seemed to be over a thousand dollars.

Apparently, having to wait for police, as the law requires, is not a valid excuse at the University of Ontario Institute of Technology. They expect you to break the law, either that, or they are punishing me for getting rear ended.

This is patently ridiculous, it is fundamentally wrong, and it is some sort of legal action waiting to happen, whether it be damages for failing the course, an injunction of some sort, or some punitive damages of some variety. I know we are not an overly litigious nation, but some things need to be stood up for, some battles need to be fought.

Myself, I shall be letting this one slide. The amount of effort, and the reality that I ended up leaving about twenty minutes before police arrived, so I could attend my computer science midterm, prevents me from being able to prove it anyways.

The bureacracy is seriously getting on my nerves.

Until next time...

Life in General

I just don't know what I'm doing lately. It seems like I've been going through the motions for some time now, and I simply do not know what to say, or do to change this. I think I've come to the conclusion that while I do need a change in my life, I'm unsure as to what change that may be, or whether I could handle it.

Of course, I say this in the wake of a car accident that has shaken me up, quite honestly, and made me paranoid of other cars on the road. This disruption to my normal routine just has me so frustrated, but still, at the same time, has left me wanting to shake things up a bit more. To make some sort of change while the mood is there.

I don't know, I think that honestly, I've known what I wanted for some time, and despite the suggestions of others, saying it is easy, that I just need to put myself out there. I suck at meeting new people. I have trouble relating to them, and I get the feeling that I come off as looking standoffish. More to the point, as much as I desire to find a relationship that has meaning, like some of my friends have, I lack both the social finesse, and the confidence to seek this out.

I don't know.

In other news, my education mark has come back, and it turns out I got a B-. Not a stellar mark, but nothing to be ashamed of. It wont be long until I manage to get off of probation. Perhaps only until the end of my next semester.

I worry about the future a lot. In the light of day, I often think that things will be fine, but then I'll stay up at night, trying to figure out where I need to go from here. I try to keep up my marks, stay ahead in school, but what's coming worries me. They say it all the time: Que sera... sera. But, que sera?

Until next time...

I Hate Other Drivers

Well today has just been a stellar one.

First, I get a headache first thing in the morning, so that takes me down for my calculus lecture. During this period, my brothers proceed to wake me up every twenty or so minutes, as for some strange reason, they made a point not to go to school.

Second, after I drive them into school, at about noon, and go to KFC for a quick bite to eat, I accidentally leave my backpack, including my laptop, on the seat at the restaurant. I realize this a few minutes later up the road. I decide to slow down and use a school as a place to turn around.

Finally, as I slow, a van comes up from behind and slams into me. This shatters my tail light covers, as well as making it so that the trunk wont close flush with the car. Lovely. I waited there for two and a half hours, in which the cops failed to respond.

I am having a lovely day.

Until next time...

Take That Chemistry

Take that chemistry! You think you're so tough, what with your chemicals, and your acids, but in reality you've got nothing. You pale in comparison to the pure might of physics and math. You try to act cool by throwing in some math in your balancing of equations, but you are in reality, a hard science wannabe.

So I say, do your worst, give me the worst midterms, the worst exams, the hardest questions. I'll ace them all, just like I probably did this one. So I say again, I shall win over you. You will not be victorious. When all the dust settles, and only one emerges in a cloud of pride and knowledge, it will be me.

For all your initial trouble you gave me, you were really nothing.

Until next time...

Pseudorandom Numbers

I have just engaged in a particularly pointless debate with one of my friends, on the relative randomness of varying small numbers, picked from the natural set. The debate primarily consisted of us attempting to determine what truly made a number more or less random.

Obviously, larger numbers seem more random, when taking into consideration the vastness of infinity, but in the end, when looking towards the end of infinity, one billion seems just as far away from it as one does. This is where my assertion comes in that some numbers 'seem' more random than other.

I maintain the following points:

1. Odd numbers seem more random than even ones.
2. Prime numbers seem more random than composite.
3. There should not be an abundance of any particular digit.
4. There should be a odd:even digit ratio of slightly over one.
5. And finally, it should have that ring of just having been pulled out of thin air.

These to me, are the five tenets of what makes a number random.

This of course is a load of malarkey, as truly random numbers cannot be generated, due to humans having bias, and computers not being able to produce anything but pseudorandom numbers.

For those that do not believe that they cannot produce random numbers, I challenge you to do the following: Begin saying random digits; at some point a pattern will form, or you will favour certain digits. While of course those pseudorandom numbers are sufficient, they are not ideal.

Pseudorandom numbers usually have all the characteristics of a random number, but it still begs the question, of how one would truly acheive a random value.

Until next time...

End of Semester

I have come to the end of my second semester, and done fairly well, at least considering the one previous. I am proud of my marks, and while I feel that I may have been able to do better in physics, that my calculus mark truly represents my best work I could have done.

Calculus mark: A-
Physics mark: C+

As of current, my education mark is still a mystery, but it should be up sometime in summer school.

As for summer school, I will be taking Scientific Computing Tools, Chemistry 1, Chemistry 2, and Calculus 2. I feel that I should do all right in all of these. I cannot wait until I finish this year altogether.

Until next time...

Physics

Alright, I am getting quite tired of muddling along in physics, attempting to do all of the work, yet falling further and further behind, simply because I cannot understand how to apply things. Every class, every lab, another five equations are added to the list of those I am expected to know, and memorize, and I am losing my mind.

I have come to the realization, that while I will be able to finish out the year in my course, that I have little to no hope of bringing this all together for another three years. I seem to be, day by day, gravitating towards computer science as an alternative major. It would afford me the same opportunities, while at the same time allowing me a field where I can learn from scratch, without the presumption that I know prior knowledge. It also occurs to me that it would afford me more practical knowledge in each class.

I will have to take some time and consider this, while it is still perfectly acceptable to be having such issues, before it is too late. If I switch now, the fallout will be minimal, and I will have no problem recovering, and obtaining the courses which I would need.

Perhaps I could keep physics as my minor, or I may go towards math, where I would not have too many issues either. I, as I said, will have to think about it.

Until next time...

A Song that Made Me Think

Let us all face it, there is far too much apathy in the world.

This sort of apathy is dooming us, causing us to not be able to move forward. In the United States, only four days ago, a Toronto born child, and his Iranian parents were finally returned to Canada, after spending five weeks in a Texas prison, simply because the parents had been deported from Canada to begin with.

A child, a nine-year old child, born in Canada. Was forced to spend five weeks in an American prison, for trying to return to Canada, after their plane unexpectedly landed in the United States. In this jail made for immigrants that they were imprisoned in, the child was subdued to treatment that for an adult would be harsh, but for a child is simply inhumane.

They faced persecution, and threats of death if they were forced to return to the parent's native Iran, but this did not sway our government to accept their refugee claim. If I am not mistaken, these threats of persecution were for having some involvement with Salman Rushdie's book The Satanic Verses.

Currently they are temporarily in Canada, and I can only hope that their requests for asylum be granted, especially considering their ordeal, and the fact that Kevin Yourdkhani, the child, was born in Toronto.

Now I move on to this statement. Why was a Toronto born, nine-year old child, ever in an American, maximum security prison?

The American Civil Liberties Union, and Amnesty International both got involved in this case. A United States based organization, and a Britain based organization. Why is it that we, as Canadians, did not stand up and say that this was wrong?

Where was the public outrage, why did I never hear of this, save for a few scant mentions in a smattering of newspapers. Why did I not hear outrage at this? I thought multiple times about this issue, I should do something. Yet I did nothing. I did nothing to help, I signed no petition, I made no post about it, I did nothing. From no person did I hear that this was outrageous. This is what distresses me as well. This is why the video is being shown here.

In any case. The video, it made me think, just how powerful one person, or a group of committed people can be.

I believe Margaret Mead did in fact say it best:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

Until next time...

Family

Throughout the time we have in this life, often we walk upon its path, surrounded by our family and friends. Along the way, many of your friends may take different paths, leading away from your own, going different places. Others will converge into your's, leaving you with newfound people to share your life's journey with. Your family though, your family is there with you every moment.

Sometimes in life, you feel like you're alone, that nobody knows how you are feeling. That nobody understands what you're trying to say. That nobody looks at you, and is glad that they know you, and that you make people's lives better as a result of being a part of it. I'm not sure how egotistical or vain that seems. It's just how I feel sometimes...

I have learned something recently... That you are not alone, as long as you have your family, they will always stand by you, in some shape or form. You may not always like the way in which they show their support, or encouragement, but it is always there. They may not even know how to properly express it themselves, but it is there. Sometimes you just need to give them a chance, or the benefit of the doubt.

To those that read this, and you will know who you are, I am sorry. Thank you for your words of encouragement, they were truly touching; and that's not a phrase I use lightly.

Until next time...

Someone I knew

Someone got into a car accident last Friday, my family and I discussed how it could have happened, and dismissed it without too much thought. I tried to think of anyone who it could have been, from my time I worked at Panago, but I too quickly stopped thinking about it. Today I found out that I knew this person in high school. His name is Andrew Connolly

He was delivering pizzas apparently, speeding down Baldwin street, when an SUV tried to make a lane change, he quickly noticed Andrew and veered back into his original lane. Andrew then spun out of control and crashed into a pole. He was rushed to hospital, and subsequently transferred to intensive care in Toronto. Here is the article, for any who wish to read it.

From what I have been told, he suffered brain death as a result of the accident, and that furthermore, he will be having the plug pulled on him at some point today.

My condolences goes out to the family, I really don't know what to say... I just don't.

Until next time...

Cell Phones

Well, it would seem that school boards are mulling over the ban of cell phones in classrooms. Apparently, this is creating quite a problem, both amongst the students using the phones, and the parents who want to call their kids.

I have this to say, I went to high school in a school that had a complete ban on cell phones, both in class and out. I once saw a student suspended for having a cell phone at the bus stop, off school property. I do not support this sort of total, all-inclusive ban, it is ridiculous, it is petty and it is wrong in my opinion. I do not see, however, how any rational person can actually oppose a ban of cell phones in classrooms.

Let us all face it, cell phones do not belong in classrooms, they are distracting, they can be used to cheat on tests, and there is frankly no need for it. These phones should be left in the student's lockers, safely put in their backpacks. This way the students can phone who they need to after classes, or on their lunch breaks, without being blatantly disruptive.

I would make the following suggestion: A total ban on cell phones in classrooms be put into effect, enforced with a zero tolerance attitude. If a cell phone is found on a student because it goes off during a class, then that cell phone be confiscated, and returned at the end of the day, and some suitable punishment be enforced. Meanwhile, allow the phones to be used when the students are not in class, or are on a field trip. This way, the parents can contact their kids, they have no real business calling them in class anyways. If it is that important, they can call the office.

A total ban is ridiculous, and is not in the best interests of anyone, but allowing them in classrooms is out of the question as well in my opinion. Is it impossible for anyone to sense that there is some middle ground here? Why is it that everyone seems to jump on the "Ban cell phones outright" bandwagon, just because when they were kids they did not have them?

Times have changed, and as society changes as a result of our technology advancing, our reactions to things must change accordingly. We must take appropriate measures against new devices, and be careful to not let things get out of hand.

Until next time...

I Don't Know

I will level with everyone tonight, I don't really know what I am writing about here. I just felt the need to try and hammer something out.

It seems to me that no matter how hard I try to prod my brain into producing something intelligible, I am completely unable to come up with anything of substance. Meanwhile, the second I do come up with something, I'm in no situation whatsoever to either post or make note of it. It is really quite frustrating. I want to be able to get all of these thoughts out of my head, but it just feels like there is this nagging feeling that something isn't right, and it's distracting me.

Well, I guess instead of having an intelligent posting about my thoughts, or a well thought out but meaningless guide to chair leaning, I shall give you all the normal updates into my life.

Not much is happening on the social front, I have been going out less as of late, trying to keep up with the schoolwork. I'm hoping to do something next weekend, but time will tell, as it frequently seems to.

On the academic front, I'm keeping up. After a few minor blips in physics, I think I'm going to be alright, and with regards to calculus, I only wish I had paid attention the first time through.

On the home front, my uncle has returned from Vancouver, and is temporarily staying with us. I don't see the problem, but there seems to be an general feeling of tension in the air. I'm sure it's just normal family stuff, it is just that I am unaccustomed to having my uncle around this much, so it is more just the 'weird newness', to quote Corner Gas.

And on the western front, all seems quiet.

That's all I suppose.

Until next time...

Blogger Beta

Well, I have relented to Blogger's incessant nagging me to update my blog to the beta version, so here you all go, I have changed it. Over the next few days, I will be adding the appropriate labels to all of my posts, which I hope will have some sort of impact in the end. In all likelyhood, the following labels will be used primarily: Rants, Thoughts, School, Life, Creative Writing, Blogging and News.

I'm not completely sure how all the labeling works, so bear with me, I'm sure I will get the hang of it within a few tries.

In other news, I am going to try to go back to a slightly more active role in blogging. I have a post written out to this effect, and I shall post it sometime soon. Also I have something that would definitely qualify as news.

So what I am trying to say is to stay tuned. There will be some changes, and a glorious return to activity.

Until next time...

Wisdom

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re out on your own, and you know what you know.
You are the one who’ll decide where to go.

This one life is yours. It is yours to be had.
You must find your way through the good and the bad.
So you see, you must see it through to the end.
Cause no one can know what is just 'round the bend.


Haven't written any creative type stuff in some time, so I thought I'd try my hand at something again, and here is what I came up with.

Until next time...

Semester One Recap

Well, as my first semester at UOIT draws to a close, I have learned a few very important lessons.

The first and most important thing that I have learned, is that you have to... HAVE TO take notes, regardless of whether or not the lecture notes are posted online. Writing down the stuff you are learning, allows you to learn it, rather than to be screwed when you are sitting in a midterm and realize that you are doomed.

The second thing is that you need to get sleep. This is also very important, as without sleep you are never going to be able to focus, as well as eating right. If you don't eat right, again you will not be able to concentrate on anything but the pain in your stomach.

Finally, the last lesson is to eat your meals at home if at all possible, meals at the university are really expensive, and add up quick. They drain your cash faster than you may think, and should be avoided if you are able to.

There is so much more that I could go on to say, but I do not see the point of turning this into one of my rants. So I shall close with this, Eat right, get some sleep, turn on some music and STUDY!

Until next time...

The World is Making Less Sense than Usual Today

Hello, faithful bloggers and blog readers, today I will be referencing something that would appear to have no sense whatsoever.

Now, I have never claimed that the world is a rational, logical, or sane place to reside, but usually there will be some sort of cosmic explanation behind the weird crap that is thrown in our collective way. I will point out now, that I have been known to engage in some highly random behaviour, which includes searching for some highly random stuff.

Due to its nature, I love Wikipedia, highly editable, easy to learn its format, and for the most part, credible. Today however I take issue with its search function. I am currently using Mozilla Firefox, just because of its search function and tabbed browsing, as well as its heightened security, and I typed into the search bar at the top of my page "The ironing is delicious".

This was a reference to a conversation my friend and I were having at the time, and mostly done randomly. I wondered if it would pull up something on the Simpsons, or possibly an entire topic, possibly devoted to some sort of internet meme.

It pulled up as its first link, Marshmallow Alpha-Bits.

...

Yeah. At this point, I'm imagining that all of you have either seen that, and done the search yourself, or have just sat there thinking 'What the hell?'. Trust me, the feeling is mutual. It makes no sense whatsoever.

Just in case you are in doubt, here is a link for you all. What the hell is Wikipedia thinking?

Well there you go, if that is not proof that the world gets stranger by the day, I'm not sure what is.

Until next time...

Happy Hallowe'en

It is that time of year again, time for candy and costumes, ghouls and goblins, witches and warlocks, and of course more candy.

I'm just not feeling it this year...

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm gonna celebrate it all of course from my doorstep handing out the treats, but to be perfectly honest, it just isn't feeling like Hallowe'en this year. I suppose it may have something to do with the fact that I am a little too young to go to Hallowe'en parties, but way too old to go trick or treating. It is a really sucky age range.

Next year I can do a little drinking.

In any case, Happy Hallowe'en all, and to those celebrating Samhain... Blessings of this sacred night be upon you and yours... and may the memory of those who lie beyond the veil fill your heart with gentle joy.

Until next time...

One Year Anniversary

Wow... Just wow...

I was looking at my front page and I realized, I have hit the year marker. It was last week on the twenty-fourth.

I have written some poems, a short story, some guides on how to do things, and I don't know how many rants over this past year, and I look back at it all, and I must say, while I have said some things I may not agree with now, I am proud of it.

So what is in the future?

Lots of stuff. I am currently writing "1001 Ways to be an Asshole", and if all goes well, I'll get to 1001 someday, I'm currently in the early 100's. Also up, are some thoughts on university, and the craziness of the system, though to be honest, I am impressed so far. Finally, maybe if you guys are lucky, you will see some more creative work.

So keep watching guys, there is more to be had.

Until next time...

Live From the Principal Awards

I am currently sitting, watching the so-called 'Principal Awards' at the elementary school that I currently volunteer at.

This is a joke.

I am not asking for the school to live up to an adult's standard of what consitutes something worth rewarding, but how about a logical estimation for a child's standard. These are not achievements for the most part, and certainly not something worth calling a school assembly for.

An actual award given... "For writing in her agenda real fast". That was how they said it too, real fast. Not really fast, or very quickly. Real fast.

Oh look my brother's friend is going up and is receiving an award for "reviewing his math test and learning from his mistakes." Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that the point of school? Should an award not be given for somethign exceptional?

We are celebrating, not only mediocrity, but in fact, failure. There is a word for that... asinine.

Certificates celebrating making mistakes and learning from them, getting organized and making friends, MAYBE deserve a classroom award. To call an entire school assembly, seems wasteful to me.

Why are we celebrating achievements such as these, celebrating improved math skills at a time like this anyways. The class I was with, was in their math class when we got called down. It just seems ironic to me.

I guess it may be me, but I find this to be a little over the top. Why can the teacher not take a second out of their class, take the child of to the side and say something like "You have been doing a really good job lately, and I have noticed it. Keep up the good work."?

It seems to me, that it would feel more heartfelt, and a lot less patronizing.

Yet it all keeps going.

Until next time...

Welcome

A hearty hello as I report live from the world of Linux. Let me say this to you all... This operating system is horrible!

I hope that none of my computers ever have to have this on it again. I am currently running Linux from a program installed on my computer known as Fedora. This allows me to keep my sanity by keeping Windows, and not having to rely on Linux.

For those of you that do not know, Linux is an open source operating system. This means that you are able to program how your computer runs yourself. Sure this may sound good, but unless you are a programmer, you would be surprised at how very aggravating this can be. Imagine being able to disassemble your car. You would have your car's body, it's engine, disassembled out in front of the car. The battery, the cylinders, carburetor all lying out on your driveway.

This would look cool, I'm sure. Any person can take apart an engine, with the proper tools. This is what Linux is. This is also where you need a mechanic to put it all back together again. If one is lucky, or has an idea of what they are doing, they could get it back to how it was, but there is a potential to screw up, and you will have a difficult time doing so. You really need a mechanic to put it back together correctly.

You see though, it is not the idea of Linux to just take it apart and put it together unchanged... The idea is to improve upon it, and for that, you need to understand exactly how to use Linux's programming language.

Sure, Linux is more reliable, more stable, and free in most cases, but do you honestly feel like going through and design this thing to your own specifications? I think it would be prohibitively difficult.

Or not, and I'm just being lazy... One or the other, methinks.

Until next time...

Biology Lecture

Hello, I am now reporting from my biology lecture at the University of Ontario Institute of Technology, located... in a giant tent.

They call it the university pavillion or UP1500 as it seems to be better known. Before class, I thought it was a portable-like structure just north of the library. I was annoyed enough about having to attend class in a portable, but this is simply ridiculous.

The tent I am currently sitting in looks from the outside like a giant igloo. From the inside, it is a concrete floor, with a small stage at the front for the professor. Above is a mess of metal beams, lights and an air conditioning system.

I would like to point out that this is completely unfair, as we are all paying a ridiculous amount of money. The university should build additional lecture halls, rather than spending our money laying down additional sod. There is an excellent spot just north of the UB building, where a permanent lecture building could be built, and this is just one solution.

My point is that it is ridiculous to stick students who are paying tens of thousands of dollars to go to school, in a tent outside. It is wrong, and it is robbing us of our right to proper resources, as we have paid for

This has been Robert Clark, reporting live, from UP1500.

Until next time...

Parking Hell

Well I had a hell of a day…

I am of the opinion that if you paid several hundred dollars for a parking pass that there should be parking spots available. Sadly this is not the case and I am forced to put up with the crap of the University of Ontario Institute of technology. For some asinine reason they have seen it fit to make parking free for the first week and in the meantime make the drivers who have paid good money to pay for their spots in advance, scrounge for parking spots while those who are lazy or procrastinate get their spots for free, ahead of those who have paid.

Now I can understand that the university cannot be responsible for me being able to find a parking spot every day, but the university should at least make sure that those were not paying, should not be getting parking spots. I had to look for a half hour in order to find a parking spot across the road next to the athletic center rather than right next to the university buildings as I paid for.

This is wrong. This is quite simply in my opinion breach of a contract. I paid over four hundred dollars in order to guarantee me a parking pass. Therefore every single student at the university should have to pay the exact amount.

It’s patently ridiculous. It really is…

On another note, this is my first post dictated using speech recognition software. It works!

Until next time...

Class the First

Well, my faithful readers, I now sit waiting for it all to begin. I have attended my orientation, I have my laptop, and I am now just waiting for my chemistry professor to open the door to my first class, so that I may start my learning. Wait, people are lining up, I shall return shortly. The doors have been opened!

...

Well, I return now, connected in the midst of all my classmates. Someone is setting up at the front, and is lowering a screen, so I assume that this is the professor of who we have all come to listen to, so I shall leave you all at this point. Enjoy all of your days, I hope I shall find this to be some sort of enriching experience. At the price we are all paying to be here, it damned well better be.

Until next time...

University has Come at Last

Well, my faithful readers, university is finally upon me. After years of waiting, nearly six months of erratic posting, and many, many weeks of anticipation, my post-secondary education experience is finally about to begin.

For those of you that do not already know, I will be attending the University of Ontario Institute of Technology this coming fall. I will be going there for their honours science program with concurrent education. I will be majoring in physics, and minoring in math. At the end of my five years in university, I will have a bachelor of education and an honours bachelor of science. I will be a high school teacher.

Preparations have begun to allow me to be ready for this experience. The university has issued me a laptop for the year, which I type upon now. It has come preloaded with all the programs that I will need for the year. In the next few days, I will begin my back-to-school shopping. Everything is shaping up for a great first year of university.

My course load is heavy, but it will all be worth it in the end.

Until next time...

Damn!

Damn, I did not win the forty-two million dollars! What insolent freak took my money? Give it back! I know what you did, you took my ticket, which was clearly the winner, and switched it with your own. I don't know how you did it, but I'm sure you did.

That's call theft buddy, and of forty-two million dollars. Give it back, or I will find you. I do not know how I will, but I will track you down, and I will find you, no matter what it takes.

I frankly think that it was someone at the service desk, or perhaps an inside job from the OLGC. I vow that I will not rest, until I either have my forty-two million dollars, or at least enough money to pay for my university tuition.

Again I say... DAMN!

Until next time...

Telemarketers

It's official, people are just not getting it. The other day, as I was sitting at home with my brothers, I was phoned by MasterCard. Allow me to explain to you the details of my telephone conversation with MasterCard.

As I said, I was called and asked if I would be interested in a MasterCard. I made a decision right there to be polite to this person, just to see if it would work on a telemarketer. I responded to this by saying "No, thank-you, I am happy with my Visa, and I do not want another card."

You would think that this would have let him know that I didn't really want the card, but no... He persisted.

"But have you heard about our new low interest rate?" Okay I thought, he thinks I'm just a tough sell, I can respect that. So I told him again that I did not want a MasterCard, and explained to him that I like my Visa because it is compatible with my bank, and that MasterCard is not.

So I continued to be polite, thinking that if I explained why I was happy with my Visa, he would back off.

Wrong.

"Oh, but our new low interest rate is only..." I interrupted him politely here, "Alright" I said. "I'm going to explain to you why that is no good for me." I proceeded to explain to him that I do not allow myself to be charged that interest, as I pay my credit card off online as soon as I can. I told him that I would actually be a bad cardholder for them as I would just cost them money.

Now. You would think that any reasonable person would stop now, but no, he continued. It was only my call waiting that allowed me to politely hang up on him.

This experience proved two things to me. One, that you can not be polite to telemarketers and expect results, and two, that there are more idiots in the world than natural selection should really be allowing.

Until next time...

Journey to the Centre of the Computer

It was a mistake that lead me to the centre of the computer, let me tell you my story... It all started when I offered to help my youngest brother in his trials with his music. I was to supplement his collection... It was then that I realized that it would not be as simple as I would have hoped.

It was a perilous trek, there were many wires to pull out carefully. It took much time to safely remove them to delve deeper into the realm of the digital. Once these were dealt with, it was simply a matter of moving the box to a safer location.

Now, in what may have been the most labour intensive part of the job, we removed the side panel from the box. This took careful turning of the keystone in order to access the inside of the digital fortress. After an ingenious solution pulled from my brother's trusty leather pocket pack, we were in.

As we slid of the metal coverstone, we were in awe at what we saw. It was like a different world. I cannot even begin to describe the wonders of what I saw, wires of all sorts leading everywhere. It was breathtaking. After several minutes of searching we found what we were looking for, and after a small faltering, we were on our way to fixing the problem.

We traced the problem back to its source, reinserting the wires where they should lead. It was at this that we slid the coverstone back into place, sealing it once more. We reconnected the wires and slid the box back into place, now working.

I am happy to inform you all that my brother now has the music he needed, and now he will have no future problems.

Until next time...

Boredom

Well faithful blog readers, while my life does seem to be a hotbed of activity lately, I just cant seem to get in the writing mood about it, so I shall write about the time I have been spending sitting in front of my computer screen.

As you may or may not know, I have recently all but stopped playing Puzzle Pirates. I have also broken out of my shell, something I have been trying to do for years. I have basically done all that I have set out to do.

Now the problem is that I have nothing to do on my computer other than chat with people, listen to music and play trivia on Afternet. What is a guy to do?

So, I now open it to you my readers. Post me the links to your blogs, your livejournals and your Spaces, be they yours or MSN's. I shall read to kill the boredom.

Until next time...

Workspace

I hath reclaimed my workspace. I have cleared out the crap from my dresser and have made room on my dresser for the game set my parents bought me for my birthday. Now I have room on my desk for space not only to work, but to write as well.

At long last, my desk is clean. I have been meaning to do this for months.

Huzzah, my creative spirit is free to flow freely onto the page.

Until next time...

Everything's Changing

Things are changing here. Things are going amazing.

I have new music to up my moods. This really helps when just sitting here at my computer.

I have a G2, so I can drive myself about.

Most importantly, I have been going out with my friends much more in the past three weeks.

As I said, things are going amazingly. Just thought I would let you all know.

Until next time...

LT3M

Well, I have never actually included an image on this blog, but I thought that this website deserved it. As I type I am listening to the electronic style of LT3M. It is an internet radio station that delves heavily into electronic music, one of my favourites being trance.

LT3M is short for less than three music, or <3 Music. I recently started listening to this station, and since then have grown to love the electronic style. I highly recommend it to all that read this.

In conclusion, I now like electronic music. It is amazing.

Until next time...

Leadership

Every group has a style of working... some of these group dynamics work well, and some do not. Many that fail, are those that lack a strong leadership. The single leader not working due to some reason, be that because they do not act, or because they act without asking the others, or for some other reason.

My question is this... Why is there a real need for a true single leader? Why is it that we cannot have a committee of equals, made up of the most qualified, that act for the rest of us. Canadian parliament works in a manner such as this, and if they were all independant, it would be exactly what I am talking about here. No one person having more power than anyone else... everyone's vote being worth the exact same.

I think the problem is that for all of this, it kind of goes back to Plato's idea of having a philosopher king, that would rule out of complete fairness and whose rule would be entirely devoted to making society better for the citizens. The problem there was that there were no philosopher kings available.

Well, we are still not in Kallipolis, so I do not know what to tell you on the large scale.

On the small scale, I suggest that maybe we can work together to make things better. If we all just stopped grabbing for power and looking out for ourselves, maybe we could see that there is a better solution for all if we just managed to agree.

Wow, I don't know where this came from...

Until next time...

Blogging Milestones

Something happened recently that is a true milestone for my blog. As of my most recent post about Trent University, I have hit one hundred posts.

In my last one hundred posts, I complained, I ranted and I generally got stuff off my chest. What lies in store for me in my next hundred posts? Only time will tell.

Until next time...

University of Ontario Institute of Technology

There is some news on the education front that I would like to share with you all. I have been accepted into the concurrent education program at the University of Ontario Institute of Technology (UOIT). I will be majoring in physics and minoring in math.

I got accepted to teacher's college. I will be a high school math and science teacher. I had said I was going to go to Trent University, but now that I have been accepted to the concurrent program, I say forget them.

UOIT is perfect for me, other than the lack of social sciences. It is only fifteen minutes from my house, and I will still be staying on residence for my first year. The proximity will allow me to keep my job if I want, and the best part of all is that since I am doing both my bachelor of science and my bachelor of education at the same time, I will not have to apply to teacher's college when I graduate. I am already in.

All in all, this is going to be great.

Until next time...

Trent, Here I Come

I have accepted the offer of acceptance, I have applied for residence. I am as good as there.

It has been a few days since I posted, and this insanity with Trent and the Ontario University Application Centre (OUAC) has left me a little drained. That and I seem to have a cold.

It has been a fairly good last few days for me. I am Smart Serve certified, I've finished with university acceptances and such, and just generally I am feeling great.

Huzzah for everything.

Until next time...

Natural Light, it Burns...

I learned a very important lesson yesterday, the lesson having to do with the harshness of nature. The lesson was, wear some sunscreen when you will be outside for the better part of seven hours.

I now have first degree burns to my face, neck, hands and arms. To top this all off, I had to work with those burns last night, and I have to again in a few hours. I have taken an advil and used the sunburn first aid spray I bought and it still burns like hell. I do not know what I am going to do once those two things wear off.

Damn you, ultraviolet rays.

Until next time...

Stress

I am so stressed out lately... Between work and my co-op, I have not had a day off in weeks. The problem is that I am not just sitting down all day learning. I am actually doing work all day every day.

With university looming over the horizon as well, I have money woes to add on to my pile of stressors. What I need is a Saturday or a Sunday off, where I can just relax and get away from all the things in life that are stressing me out right now.

I think that what may do me some good is to go out with some friends. Maybe that would help relax me. Maybe just a coffee or something, or a night out. I have not had a night out with my friends in a good month and a half.

Anyways, I shall now bid you all farewell. Yours truly needs a bit of sleep, so that he might help children to learn tomorrow morning.

Until next time...

Expectations

Have you ever expected something to turn out a certain way, only to have your vision shattered when something unforseen occurs?

I think this is something we have all had to deal with at some point or another, and I think we all know by now that it can sometimes be hard to deal with, especially when you do not have a contingency plan. That is why it is always important to have a plan "B" in case something goes wrong.

What shocks me though, is when it is not unforseen events that change things, but the actions of those who you trust. That is when I have to take a step back and truly analyze the situation. If the people who I trust turn against me, and try to destroy what I have worked for, then how am I to continue as if nothing has happened.

What shocks me is when for no reason, I am shown hostility that I do not feel I deserve. When my job is made harder because stress and aggravation cause people to display an air of hostility that makes it harder to do what I am supposed to do.

It is annoying when my job is made harder by those who would harass me and deliberately make my job miserable. Who would create a hostile work environment. I do not deserve poor treatment just because of things I have no control over.

For those of you that read this and ask what in the world I am talking about, let me say this. It is not about any specific thing, but a large number of things that are going on in my life right now. I feel I am getting the short end of the stick, and quite frankly I am getting tired of it.

In conclusion, to the people I am talking about, and I believe you all know who you are. Leave me alone. Stop harassing me, it is just making all our lives harder than they need to be. Just back off.

Until next time...

Skype

So, this week I discovered something called Skype while reading Discover. For those of you who do not know, Skype is an internet telephone service. It uses the internet to place phone calls rather than using phone lines. As such, they do not charge to place phone calls between Skype users. It is completely free to download, and free to get started. The only time that you have to pay is when you call a non-Skype user.

See the thing is, that you can download it for any operating system, including certain kinds of PDAs. I suggest to everyone that you at least try it. It's free, and you can talk to anyone around the world for free.

It is very cool. Try it.

Until next time...

What I Want

What I want right now is very simple. I would like an environment where an argument that I have with my parents is not a one sided one. I would like to be afforded the consideration that you would give to an adult who is making a good point, and not to be told I am acting like a child.

It is very insulting.

I would like to not hear "I'm a terrible mother" come from my mother every time I make a point that in any way criticizes her. That is not a fair thing to be doing in an argument.

What I want is a level playing field... Right now it is tilted in favor of my parents.

If not that, I would at least like to see an argument run its course. I cannot see how interrupting it every few seconds helps the situation. It just ticks me off and throws off my train of thought. Then I start making points that are not as well thought out as they could be.

In conclusion, I want to be able to talk to people in general without there being a lot of fighting. I want to be able to have a calm rational discussion with my family. That is all I want.

Until next time...

Bursting my Bubble

Today at work I was serving a customer. The topic got around to being about university, and I casually mentioned that I would probably be looking for a new job once I went off to Trent. So I ring her through, I say have a nice day and I move on to the next customer.

A minute and a half later, the customer comes back to my till. She says to me, and I quote, "You are one of the nicest people I have ever met." She then goes on to tell me that the company she works for is hiring, and she gives me a slip of paper and says to call them.

The paper said No experience necessary, we will train, and it listed a number to call. I had planned on doing that, because in reality, I am currently in the process of looking for a new job.

Anyways, I get in the car about fifteen minutes later, my mother having come to pick me up from work. I tell her about what happened, and she takes a look at the slip of paper, and immediately determines that it must be a telemarketer. She goes on to take shots at telemarketers for the whole ride home. I continue to try to defend that she cant be sure that it is a telemarketing position, and I try to say that it would still be better than working where I am now.

Once I got home, I promptly crumpled it up and threw it out, feeling rather defeated. Then my mother starts yelling at me for the attitude I am now showing, like I am in the wrong. I had left work happy and in a great mood. Someone had paid me a compliment, I had a good day and someone seemed to want me to work for them. Apparently I am not supposed to feel good about that, and am supposed to be suspicious of anyone showing any interest in me as a potential employee.

I then had a guilt trip laid on me. I had words put in my mouth that I did not say, did not think, and do not believe. I had someone tell me that I think poorly of their abilities, which I did not think. All I said was that she did something mean, which I didn't appreciate. What really ticked me off though was that my feelings were made to seem invalid.I had just wanted to feel good.

Someone thought I would make a good employee. Sue me if I don't get a lot of compliments like that and took pride in this one....

Until next time...

Webcomic of the Week

Well, I'm back from my semi-hiatus, so I may revive this old relic... I may rename it in coming weeks, perhaps to something else. Maybe just a chance to see what I've been doing in the past week, or perhaps my personal book recommendation.

Regardless, this week my suggestion is that you all read TwoKinds. It is a good comic. It is almost midnight here and I woke up at 4 AM, so I am a bit too tired to explain it to you all. You can find the link here. I heartily recommend it to you all, for it is an excellent read, it is quite funny and it is at last off of its hiatus that it was on.

See, I'm not the only one that takes a break.

Until next time...

Comments Continued

I am getting my first non-spam comments from people I do not know. This means that my opinion is actually being heard by people. This is a great day for Muddled Mind, as it means that my opinion officially matters to others.

What is even better though, is that the commenter returned and made another comment. I subsequently visited their blog and realized that truly this person is not just out to spam.

I feel very good right now; my opinions, my beliefs and my daily complaints and ponderings are being heard, not just by members of my family, but by the whole world. Or at least one person with another blog.

In any case I feel good.

Until next time...

I Have Learned Something...

This Easter, I learned something very important. The lesson that I learned was simple... Do not go to sleep at 7:30 in the evening, when you have only been awake since about 10 in the morning. I woke up this morning at 3:45.

Now, since that is a full eight hours, I cannot get back to sleep. Now what am I supposed to do? It is 4:15 in the morning, there is nothing good on TV.

I will have to find some way to entertain myself for the next three or four hours while I wait for my family members to wake up... Damn.

Oh well... On a more positive note, I got Easter chocolate yesterday... Yep, a nice chocolate Bart Simpson. I love The Simpsons, I love chocolate. It was a great Easter after all...

Anyways, I will have to go put the chocolate in the fridge as it is losing its structural integrity, so a happy Easter Monday to all.

Until next time...

Weird Stuff

I'm fairly bored just sitting here, so I have an open question to anyone who cares to answer.

I have just been looking up at my bedroom ceiling and I was thinking... "What is up with the stucco?" I have no idea what this stuff is supposed to do, it doesnt seem to make sense. To me it just seems like a waste of material.

So if anyone has an answer to this, please tell me. I can't think of a possible reason for it.

See... this is the kind of useless crap that I think of. Had I written this post down beforehand, I can guarantee you it would have never made it to the internet. I may go watch the news, then I can at least gripe about some topical material.

Until next time...

A Question of Human Nature

My question today goes to why groups of friends cannot handle power.

Why is it that in a group of friends, who respect and like each other, power always ruins things?Why is it that the power can not be shared amongst the group of friends? Why must it always corrupt the group?

I am getting awfully sick of being the one person with no desire for power. This is not because I have a secret desire to take power, but because I am the one everyone else turns to talk to when they start fighting. I am tired of dealing with all the crap.

Why can friends not get along? Why can a hierarchical structure not exist without serious problems arising? I dont understand it, especially when we agreed upon the structure to begin with.

Oh well, I shall disinvolve myself with the crap.

Until next time...

My Latest Post

The post directly below this one sucks. This is my official opinion of that poem...

I posted it about 45 minutes before I had to work, and so was not too thrilled, considering the nice day it is.

I do feel that I do not my job, though it of course does not "fill me with depression" and I seem to have exaggerated quite a bit throughout it. So please do not take this poem as it is. I simply do not like my job. I don't find it to be quite as bad as I make it out to be.

As for the last few bits of it, the change that is coming is of course... University. So things will change quite soon

Until next time...

Time for Work

A time for work, the hated place
The location of my oppression.
It takes me from the things I like,
And leaves me with depression.

I hate thee work, I hate ye so.
I wish that thou wouldst die.
But you will not, and so I must
Continue to work and sigh.

The end is in sight, I must declare
The hated time shall end.
I shall move on, I must confess,
The time is just around the bend.

And so I wait
For this special time
When my life can start moving on.
I can move on up and take charge of my life,
Instead of being a pawn.


Until next time...

How to Cook Bacon and Eggs

You will need the following things...

3 eggs
1/2 cup of brick cheese
3 strips of bacon (ripped into non-identical chunks)
A small bit of margarine
2 slices of bread

1 frying pan
1 cheese grater
A wooden spoon
A toaster

So, put the bacon into the frying pan with the margarine... Cook until it is no longer frozen all the way through. While it is cooking, grate the cheese and beat the eggs.

Next pour one third of the cheese into the eggs, along with all the bacon. Leave the margarine in the pan. Beat the eggs, bacon and cheese together and pour it in the pan. Constantly stir.

As it is cooking, pop in some bread into the toaster. Add cheese as you stir the eggs. Continue stirring the whole time.

The eggs can be declared done when they are no longer liquid, and seem to hold their form... I have tried, and they will not easily turn golden brown, so do not try. A good indicator is just scoop the eggs out of the pan once they look ready after the toast pops up... If you do it right, that should happen at about the same time.

Put on a plate, butter the toast, cut the toast in half and enjoy... You now have my favorite breakfast all ready to eat.

Have fun...

Until next time...

My Return to the World of Blogging

Well, here I am, back to writing out my blog posts before I post them. I finally found that free time I was looking for, so here I am.

As I write this, I am sitting in a work room with a student who is writing a social studies test. I write not with my mechanical pencil, or in my notebook from my writing bag, but with a primary pencil and an exercise book I found in the adjoining room.

I have come to realize that I have missed writing my blog. My ability to let other people know what I have been thinking... And while I have posted a few times in the past month or so, they have all been spur of the moment posts, and even then they have been few and far between. Also I have missed writing my more creative posts, such as they are.

So here it is, my glorious return to blogging. I resolve to write more, and to actually post when I do. I resolve to get back to writing creatively, and I resolve to make time for my blog; to seek out the chances for writing that I need.

I have finally figured out what kind of free time I need... The free time I need, is time I should be spending working... ie. Accounting class or when I am supposed to be closely watching a student...

So there you have it... My pledge to return from my semi-hiatus. Let us see if I can keep my promise...

Until next time...

Those Romans were on to Something...

Carpe Diem... Sieze the day. Live every moment to its fullest, and never let time pass through your fingers, because it is precious and finite. Some day you will look back on your life, and wish you had done more, so don't waste it.

Dum Spiro, Spero... While I breathe I hope. I hope for the world with every breath. I hope that some day we may all be able to live together without the hate and intolerance that exists today. I hope that some day children will not have to go hungry. I hope there will someday be no need for guns.

Gutta cavat lapidem, non vi sed saepe cadendo... The drop hollows the stone, not by force but by falling on it often. What better message is there than this? That it is not brute force that gets the job done, but patience and persistance. That given enough time, and enough determination, that we can truly accomplish anything.

Malum est consilium quod mutari non potest... A plan that cannot be changed is bad. This just speaks to the need for flexibility in ones plans. Things will always come up to block your plans, and if you cannot roll with the punches, than you are doomed.

Diligentia maximum etiam mediocris ingeni subsidium... Diligence is a very great help even to a person of mediocre intelligence. Basically, if you are careful in what you do, even if you are a bit of a fool, then you will do well in life. If you think through your actions, then you will usually look intelligent, regardless of your intellect.

Dum inter homines sumus, colamus humanitatem... As long as we are among humans, let us be humane. So true, so very true... We could all do well to listen to that one.

Qui beneficium dedit, taceat; narret qui accepit... Let he who have given a favor be silent; may he who have accepted it speak of it. A good piece of advice. If you talk about the favors you have given, you look like you are throwing it in people's faces. If you talk about how someone did you a favor, you look good because you look grateful, and the other person looks good because they look kind. Everyone wins...

Qui statuit aliquid parte inaudita altera, aequum licet statuerit... One who passes sentence on something without having heard the other part is not just, even if the sentence is just. No matter what happens, you must always hear both sides of any story before you judge someone. Otherwise even if you are right, you still have not been fair, and therefore your judgement is invalid.

Tamdiu discendum est, quamdiu vivas... You live, you learn. You learn from the mistakes you make in your life as well as from the successes. Just accept that you will make those mistakes, and learn from them. To not learn from one's mistake is the biggest mistake one can make.

So in conclusion I say, Rident stolidi verba Latina... Fools laugh at the Latin language.

Until next time...

Trent

I have been accepted to Trent University. I have decided that if UOIT does not accept me, I shall be going there. So I shall have fun in Peterborough this coming year.

I shall be majoring in math likely, and minoring in history, so it will be fun.

Until next time...

University Acceptances

I have officially been accepted by the University of Nippissing. This was my first choice for universities, and I will never forget the feeling I got when I read the acceptance letter.

I'm going to university, and I feel great.

One step closer to my dream of being a teacher.

Until next time...

Elections Ontario

As boring as it was working in the federal election, I have signed up to work for Elections Ontario in the coming by-election. I shall be a poll clerk. Let the voting begin!

In all seriousness, I must have lost my mind to do this again. I know how boring it is, why am I putting myself through it. I could just pick up extra shifts at my job... Oh well.

I shall be there on March 30... crossing names off a list. How exciting. Expect another fascinating post, in the fashion of "Tales of Elections Canada"

Until next time...

Comment Spammers

It has been a nice four months I have had without comment spamming. I opened up to the world, I showed everyone what I was thinking, and I broke new ground in my creative writing. Ironically it was my "Where has my Inspiration Gone?" post that got not one, but two spam comments.

Now I am not one to go off the deep end at these people, the comments are easy enough to delete. It is what they were spamming that bugged me. It was the blatantly adult nature of the stuff they posted that offended me. Where in my blog do I make any kind of reference to that kind of stuff? Why pick my little corner of obscurity to spray your cyber-grafitti on?

The first spam comment was a seemingly innocuous one, it was the classic "Oh, I like your blog. I will bookmark it. Here is my blog". These don't bother me in the slightest. It is the second comment that bugged me... It was a list of links to all kind of extremely adult websites, of which I can only assume would have swamped your computer with all kinds of horrible spyware.

I will say this... These people need to go and get a clue. Go harass a forum of some sort, or troll some large chat room. The fact of the matter is that while you are good at being annoying, you are not being very efficient about it. My blog does not have a large readership so you are not actually getting very far with your spam.

I can not get over why my blog was targeted over some chat room or forum. I moderate my blog just as well as your average forum does, if not better. Why not harass them... you may actually get some hits. Also, and this more a statement to the second commenter; you may want to consider a less obvious approach. Perhaps trick people into going, rather than enticing idiots into clicking into an obvious trap. None of my readers are idiots... not a single one, other than you I suppose.

Anyways... In a way I guess I am grateful. You sparked a rant, which is not something I have had sparked in me for a few weeks now.

Until next time...

Camping

Oh, I have an idea! Let's go camping.

I suggest that the next time a friend invites you to go camping in the middle of march, when it is due to rain, that you call this person a moron and walk away.

March rain at three in the morning is freezing cold. The ground is hard and the fire won't warm up anything. You will get no sleep at all.

That is just my suggestion though.

Also, if you do end up going, do not let your friend talk you out of getting stuff to make smores. Smores are delicious, no matter what anyone says.

Until next time...

Where has my Inspiration Gone?

I don't know why I cannot seem to put anything together lately. I just haven't had the spark that I usually do.

I think it may have something to do with not being in normal classes. If this is the case, then I may have a creative spark on Wednesday when I go in for an in-school day.

I can only hope.

Until next time...