I Don't Know

I feel so lonely right now.

Dreams Still.

I had that dream again last night. It's starting to freak me out, and I wake up worried that I've failed again. I end up feeling like I'm stuck failing. It makes me not want to even think about school.

Dreams

I've been having a recurring dream.

In it, I'm in school again, and it's November. And I haven't been attending classes, and I don't understand the material being taught. Then I learn that the midterm either just happened, and I missed it, or that it's coming up in a day or two. And there's no way to make it up. Then I learn my marks are low, and that there's no hope. And I end up feeling this massive hopeless feeling that I can't shake off.

That's where I usually wake up, and I remember that I'm not in school yet. It's starting to worry me.

I has a QR code

Imaginings.

Here we go.

I'm making it onwards unto my goal, and all that I see below me is naught but a fire riddled landscape, flaming up and flaring up, decimating all that lays before it.

That thing I sought is gone. It's gone forever, and I'm never getting back, no matter how I try.
It's been stolen from me, and no matter how I cry and how I whine, and how I tear up, it shalt never be returned.

All that I thought was real is gone, and replaced with a pale imitation of that was ripped from my soul so quickly.

It's gone. It's gone and I want it back. You bastards, why did you take it from me? It was mine! How did I bother you with it, and why would you want to hurt me for that small thing. That small victory.

That small dignity.
It was all I had.

Greetings, from the World of Tomorrow!

I bought a bicycle, and I am tired as hell, after riding a sum total of, upon checking Google maps, almost six kilometres. That is half of what I need to do, just to get to work, and I did it in two bursts. And both times, I had to walk my bike a bit.

This is going to be a serious fucking challenge.

Also, I've switched over to G-mail. Just to get caught up with 2008.

Until next time, I guess then...

Good News

I may have managed to get what I was looking for. The TRC spot seems to be going to me, by the sounds of my conversations with our store HRM. I don't even know how to feel for sure yet, other than just happy. I had been resigned to the fact that I was going to have to type up my pitiful little retail resume, and pass it out to some stores only to be met with failure, but now, for the first time in two months of thinking about this, I'm faced with this odd hope. It's very odd.

Two months of feeling this constant oppressive weight on my shoulders, has just lifted. It feels amazing.

It really does feel amazing.