I Don't Know What the Fuck is Wrong with Me Today

I'd left to calm down once already, having admitted that I was feeling irrationally mad today. I have no idea why I was feeling that way, but I'd thought my brain had decided to smarten up, so I ventured back forth.

I was wrong. When I realized I was getting worked up over nothing again, I admitted it. I did this hoping that people would simply stop talking to me. Instead of that happening though, people kept pointing out the irrational behaviour, and called me on it repeatedly. In an effort to stop myself before I did something I would regret, I left, going upstairs into seclusion.

People kept asking: "Why is he acting like that. It's the fault of the computer! It's cause he's on something! That kid needs to be on some medication"

I'm not on something. Stop adding fuel to the fire. It's not the computer. Stop adding fuel to the fire. Maybe I do need to be on some medication, I don't know, I'm not a fucking psychiatrist. But all the same, neither are any of you. Stop adding fuel to the fire. If I knew why I was acting that way, I would stop. Because I don't like the feeling of acting irrationally. It makes me feel awful. Simply awful.

But no. Don't stop there. Please continue. Please don't just keep throwing fuel on that fire. Please, start a whole new separate fire. Rekindle old arguments. Such as how my life isn't in the order I would like it. Please. Do that. That seems like a really solid plan.

At that point, you are /trying/ to hurt me. You're trying to get me to say something I'll regret. I apologize for telling you to fuck off, but my God, if you look at what you said objectively, given that I was already acting irrationally (by my own admission), you cannot possibly be surprised by my reaction.

When I admit that I'm acting irrationally, continually bringing up that point like it's somehow news is just irritating. You're not helping. I'm trying to help by sequestering myself, I'm not asking you to tiptoe around me. I'm asking you to leave me alone. Just that. Yes. I'm acting like a fucking lunatic. I don't know why. Leave me be, and I'll try to address that problem. Don't keep yelling at me. Let me calm the fuck down, and I'll try to fix things.

Now people are upset, and I can't fix this, because I'm still acting nutty. I just want to not talk to anyone.