Currency

So I sorta came to this realization that the absolute best way to do this, is to simply wait for the thought "I should say something on my blog." then say something. Doesn't matter what.

This is my thought right now, in case you were wondering.

Plot!

Plotplotplot!

Yup, it's plotting time on Kaerwyn again, and I'm having some fun with it this time. I gotta say, it really does help when a lifetime of sci-fi, and knowing the tropes helps your character keep up with technobabble.

And you know what? This plottage is inspiring me to do my own plot stuffs. I think I'll have to go down to the store and pick up this month's Discover. They've got some cool stuff in there, for weird science.

Also, Professor Layton is truly excellent.

Huzzah!

Another One

Well, that's disappointing. There I go off on some sort of stream of consciousness piece, and then I find out a paragraph or two in that I haven't managed to type out a damned thing

That's just irritating. Oh well.

Here i go again though, the curtains on the wall being transparent as always, and this ever present wall of gray in the sky above me seeming to loom. I suppose it's a ceiling. Whatever. I just want a blue sky and a sunny day.

Or is that what I just keep telling myself? I'm not entirely sure. I think it might be the actual problem, but I can't figure it out until the sun deigns to actually try shining on down.

Christ there's a lot of dishes in the sink downstairs. I should really clean them today. There is a part here tomorrow after all which I'm not entirely sure I'm looking forward to. I don't know why, but I seem to be looking forward to it with the same sense of abstract dread that... Is today Friday?

Shit. It's only Friday. Why do I keep thinking it's Saturday. Quirky's not on HSN til tomorrow. Why the hell am I still up? I should have gone to bed hours ago. I finished my scene in the plot hours ago, and I've just been sitting here, diddling around. What a waste of potential sleeping tme. I continue though. Whatever.

Brain. I think that I want to go somewhere else. Somewhere warm. Where it's happy. And there's not a puddle in my car, or laundry I have to do. I hate doing laundry. God.

I think that I need to figure out what it is I'm looking for. It's a very slowed down thought process I am suffering from right noww. Really odd, and hard to track. I need to think but it's fuzzy. What can I say?

A Topic Goes Here

You know what is awesome?

Star Trek. That's what's awesome. And anything in the roleplaying world that isn't star trek, but is trying to be like star trek. If it is star trek, and you're roleplaying, that may or may not be awesome. But if it's not explicitly star trek, then it is likely awesome.

Star Wars is good too.

Hmm. Maybe I'm feeling a bit better today. Helps when you have to have a version of yourself stop the flow of Trotulium, lest the ship be consumed by the matter/energy eating energy producing fluid.

This looks so crazy out of context. You'll have to trust me though. It was awesome.

Didn't think I'd hear that!

You know, as a child, imagining adulthood, and the conversations I would have... I didn't imagine a lot of the things I hear now.

Topping the list right now?

"I've got six pages of cock rings, right here."

Yeah... My life is a rich tapestry.

Something

SAnd there I was and there I am and there I thought I will be.
All that I was and am was laid out
Things that I thought I knew were shown to be false.

All the little things around me are in flux, and drifting on the wind
Curtains close, and I cannot see the outside world.
The lamp's brightness blinds me.
The doorway opens.

Out there is a thing. A thing undescribable.
Out there is a thing. A thing I cannot see.

Rings of Fire.

For you I'd wait, til Kingdom come.
Until my day, until my days are done.
And say you'll come, and set me free.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

So I dunno. I feel like quoting Coldplay right now. I'm listening to it, and it's making me feel better for the moment. I seriously do not know what has me in this funk right now, but it's starting to worry me. Nothing crazy, but it's just... reasonless. I want to be able to figure out why I feel like this.

On another note, Baltika 3 is an excellent beer. Thank you Russia, for this booze.

Strange Things

I feel really strange tonight.

I haven't had anything to drink, but I feel drunk. I have nothing to feel sad about, but I feel depressed. I had a good day of fairly adult activity, basking in maturity, but I feel like a child.

My friends are at a kinky party, and I just feel lonely right now. I wouldn't want to be there though. I'd just be hovering, not feeling comfortale. I don't like being single at all. It feels like noone wants to be around me.

This all sounds very depressing, I know. I'll feel better tomorrow.

Inspiration

I've been watching these speeches called TED talks, and have felt inspired. I see Wikileaks doing great things for the world, and I feel inspired. I hear about what Anonymous is doing, and I think tht it's great that someone is doing something about various causes.

I sit here and occasionally feel inspired to write something. Maybe.

I don't know.

Another Day

I continue to live.

Of course you know that if you are here. Right now, I'm guessing your name is Madelaine Clark if you are reading this, unless you have this on an RSS reader, Matthew. If not, if you're some random blog reader, and just happening by, I suppose I should introduce myself. Give you some back story on this blog that's updating for the first time in more than a year.

I'm Rob. I live on my own, for about a year. I am in between universities, but at the same job I've held for a few years now. Oh, and I don't write anymore. I just cannot seem to be assed anymore to actually sit down and plan out my thoughts, or even produce something stream of consciousness. I think this all comes down to a lack of time in which I'm forced to sit in one place doing nothing, anymore.

So here I am. I want to say something encouraging to the process. Something saying I'm turning this blog around like, "I plan to start this again". That though would be a lie. I have no such plans. To be very honest, tonight I just was talking to a friend, and something came up that made me think. And it made me want to voice my thoughts, even if constantly in my head, I'm still censoring myself.

That was part of the reason I stopped though. Despite my knowledge that nobody would ever read this blog outside my family, the idea of posting my journal, and posting my thoughts like this was always very appealing. It was like an open letter, airing my grievances, my thoughts, my feelings. It helped me deal with things from day to day, and I didn't care what people thought at first. In a lot of very meaningful ways, it helped me a lot.

I'm proud of a lot of the stuff I did with this blog. The censoring though, the stuff I had to learn not to do, for fear people would be offended... It hurt. I needed to be able to say whatever I wanted, and I had lost my outlet.

So, there it is. What I am willing to say right now. It's not well laid out, or always making perfect sense, but there it is. The old standard would be 'Until next time...' right here, but I'm not going to make the suggestion that I'll be back here.

I have to think about certain things that I'm not sure I'm ready to confront yet. The end results terrify me.